It Begins

Two years ago, at what most doctors politely call "advanced maternal age," my partner (the Saint) and I (the Prof) decided it was time to start a family. After 8 inseminations, 1 miscarriage, and a big chunk of change (seriously, why the f#ck does sperm cost so much!???!!! It's not oil and it's pretty easy to obtain...), we finally succeeded.

In fact, one could say we became fertility overachievers: we're expecting twins.




I know what some of you are thinking: We? Why the hell is she saying we're pregnant? Are they BOTH having babies? No, we are not that stupid. I say "we" because these babies will be ours but I am not doing the hard stuff, hence the pseudonym for my partner: the Saint. And thus is the plight of the other mother.

You see, a lesbian couple and a hetero couple are two entirely different breed(er)s. Dads never have to answer the question, "So, why aren't you the one who got pregnant?" This is a tough one to answer because it is often loaded with judgement. If I am in a particularly crappy mood and the scorn of the question is palpable, I lie and say I have ovarian cysts that may or may not be malignant, which usually shuts the asker right up.

But if the question is sincere and asked by a friend, I tell the truth: I am scared to death of pregnancy and have never had any desire to push a child out of my nether regions. I paid attention during that fifth grade sex ed class; I saw how babies are born and decided right then and there that I wasn't ever going to do anything that might produce a baby.

Hmmmm, perhaps it worked a little too well....







- The 2nd Mommy