When The Saint and I bought our house almost 2 years ago, there were a number of updates we wanted to make. Thanks to some extra income and some very awesome and handy friends, we tackled quite a few of those chores.
This was the first inkling I had that I have absolutely zero life skills. If zombies attack, I will be among the first to go. If we fall off the grid, you will find me in the fetal position clutching the dead tv. I probably would have died before the age of 12 if I had been born in the 19th century.
At first, when we just bought the house, I wasn't too concerned since the first sign of my unhandiness came when L and C decided we needed something to go with the doormat they bought for our housewarming gift: a new deck. One that they built for us in their spare time over the course of a few weeks. My contribution? I hammered in approximately 4 nails, 3 of which I completely messed up. (If you look closely, you will spot 3 nails angled or twisted into the wood.)
This lack of skill was easy to brush off as L and C are super humans; I know better than to measure myself against them and besides, carpentry stuff takes years to master. Who has that kind of time? You have to start really early and I didn't have that opportunity when I was younger, ergo not my fault.
But then we got pregnant and The Saint started to panic. Suddenly, our lovely home was really a crumbling shack. This baby death trap needed work done and it needed to be done yesterday! And so the parade of handy, talented friends began, each one reminding me that I better pray I never lose my day job.
First came my Dad, the painting wizard who knocked out 2 rooms in less than a day. It would have taken me about a week, a case of Jack Daniels and several boxes of Kleenex to mop away the tears of frustration. The one room I did paint on my own took me an entire weekend and I still needed to call my Dad in to do the trim because I was too impatient to even try it. My contribution? I "made" dinner, which was a pizza I had delivered while my Dad was busy upstairs.
Once the painting was done, we decided to put down trim in the nursery as there were holes large enough to house a family of four between the floor boards and the walls. Unfortunately, this involved more hammering and cutting with a miter saw, which I still don't understand how to use. Fortunately, LBC came to the rescue with her truckload of fancy tools for just such a job (and she's straight!) My contribution? I made cosmos throughout the day, a role usually reserved for housewives from the '50's.
Then came the nursery furniture assembly, which took a small army to complete: LB, MD, KOY, and my Dad (again) all had a hand in helping me assemble furniture that came with directions written by an MIT grad for another MIT grad. Thanks to them, the job was done without any nervous breakdowns on my part. My contribution? I sometimes handed the tools to them when I knew which one they were talking about.
I wish I could say that was all but there is more....
- The 2nd Mommy
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