Song of the New Parent

I am a new parent.

The first thing you will notice is I no longer have eyes but rather two puffy slits to see through. The word exhausted does not do justice to the way I feel because frankly, I feel nothing. I am in a perpetual haze of feeding, burping, soothing and cleaning. I drove to Target the other day and couldn't remember how I got there. A drunk driver in a Pinto with three raccoons would have been safer on the road.

I am a new parent.

Any sense of fashion has been totally discarded. If my shirt and pants are relatively spittle and pee free, then they are good enough to wear. If my teeth have been brushed in the past 72 hours, I am good to go. A shower now means jumping in some running water for three seconds and then getting dressed. If I get to dry off, that is a bonus. The fact that I simply haven't shaved my hair off should be taken as a good sign.

I am a new parent.

I have no idea what day it is. I thought Irene was a new singer a la Adele or the late Amy Winehouse. I am amazed at how much time I wasted when I was not a parent. If I had that time back, I could write a novel, scale Mt. Everest and become a mixed martial arts champ before 6:00 pm. Now I am lucky if I get to use the bathroom with the door closed.

I am a new parent.

I have never been so happy nor loved anyone this fiercely. I have never been so excited to have someone grab my finger or make mewing noises whilst I feed him. I have never simply just sat in silence and soaked in another being for hours on end. I am happy to unplug for an entire day if it means I get to see a 30 second smile.

I am a new parent. And each day gets better and better.

Today, I even got to finish -


- The 2nd Mommy