Oh, The Places They Will Go

My Dad likes to tell the story of how he once was changing my diaper and had to lift my naked little body up to straighten out the clothes he was attempting to put on me. As he carefully cradled me, I shit in his hand (sorry, Mom: defecated in his metacarpals).

I thought of this the other night when one of the boys (it's so hard to tell which one at 3:00 am) launched a load of poo across the changing table and onto the lovely Dr. Seuss diaper caddy we got to keep us organized and supposedly prevent such occurrences. And then the book Oh, The Places You Will Go popped into my head but with a very different meaning. The following is a piece of what went through my mind:

You have been here for just 3 weeks
And already you've sprung some leaks.
You hit the shades, the wall and ceiling
You hit my nose and sent me reeling.
You hit your mouth and caught your breath
Which nearly scared my half to death.
But I am sure, as we both well know,
These are not the only places you will go.

I imagine the day will come
Where you will want to bare your bum
And stand upon the deck outside
To launch a stream at full stride.
Or when we're traveling in the car
To places that are distances quite far,
You will announce, after the rest area we just passed,
"Um, I don't think that was just gas."
These are but a few of the places you will go.

And I can tell you this for a fact,
Though the subject lacks in tact,
One day you will find yourself stuck in school
Where bodily functions just aren't cool
But trust me, sons: don't try to keep it in
Your pants are the worst place for urine.
(But sadly, this may be a place where you will go.)

I am sure you will go at least once in bed
(I hope it doesn't land on your brother's head.)
I bet you will go in a lake
Perhaps in a cup and a urinal cake.
If you ever travel with grandma in her car,
I know you'll go in a mayo jar
As this is a spot where all her grandchildren go.

But then one day that will come too fast
All of this will be in the past.
Pretty soon, this potty thing will be a breeze
And you will go with great ease.
Then shortly after, you will be grown.
It will be time for you to be on your own.
And though you think that you are too old
I will still want to know
About all the places where you go.



- The 2nd Mommy