What I Have Learned Thus Far

Several people have generously suggested that I turn these musings into a book. While I appreciate the compliment, I can assure all of you that I have neither the patience nor the extended narrative arc necessary for a book. But if I could do it, here are some fragments of what would appear.

These are some of the things I have learned during this pregnancy:

There is not one but two kinds of ultrasounds. I always thought an ultrasound consisted of waving a magic wand over the belly to produce an x-ray like picture of the baby (or in our case, babies) inside. But there is also an internal ultrasound, the one our dear friend has labeled the dildo cam. And that's exactly what it is: a camera that goes inside the pregnant woman via the....um....babies' exit door from the womb. But the important lesson I learned: never make the ultrasound technician laugh when she is using the dildo cam. It seemed really funny to bend down next to The Saint's belly during this procedure and yell, "Ouch! My eye!!!!" However, The Saint was not amused.

Arguing with a pregnant woman is like reasoning with a drunk person. While The Saint has been a real trooper throughout the pregnancy, there have been moments where reason simply took a hiatus. Case in point: The Saint wanted to start packing our hospital bag.....in early June. This would have been a good two months before we even had the chance to give birth. Fashions trends could have come and gone in that time period. I know that I am now in a different size altogether. But when preggers got something in her head, there was no arguing. So our bag has been packed, repacked and re-repacked for the past 7 weeks. And counting.

The world does not stop just because we are preparing for babies' arrival. I have been busy preparing not one but two nurseries, one upstairs and one downstairs. We are finally at a point where we can take a break and what happens? The basement floods. On both sides. This meant a fun and exciting trip to Home Depot for a shop vac at 8:30 pm. Then the cleanup began with The Saint feeling sad because she couldn't help. And again, this is why she is The Saint: who else would feel guilty about not being able to suck up sewage? Frankly, I would have been laughing.

But I guess that's why she is the pregnant one...


- The 2nd Mommy