Dear Frik and Frak:
Your due date is fast approaching and as it gets closer, I am realizing that we have a lot to do to get ready. But I think we need to get a few things clear first:
1. You are going to be loved beyond belief but please do not get a Jesus complex. Even though we might treat you like the second coming, it does not mean you really are.
2. Yes, you do have two mommies and no, not everyone does. People may tease you for this but you can ignore them. They are probably jealous because they know we are the most awesome parents ever. If the teasing persists, tell them that they were an accident and that you were planned for, which automatically makes you a better person as a bottle of tequila and a Dave Matthews concert had no role in your conception. Then kick them in the shins (but don't get caught and don't let Mommy know I said that).
3. You are going to be hugged and kissed on a daily basis. We both love you unconditionally and nothing will change that. This does not mean we are doormats. While I am not a fan of spanking, I will, in the immortal words of Will Smith, "touch that butt when you get out of line." True dat.
4. The color of your nursery is Monster Bile, not Daffodil Yellow. I don't know why the paint can downstairs says that.
Ok, great. Now hurry up and finish baking because we can't wait to meet you....
Love,
Your Other Mother
- The 2nd Mommy
Will Smith, I must say, got it right. Not a fan of spanking myself, but sometimes, your children can make you feel as though it's necessary, the only option to get the long-ignored point across. But, for me it always comes with a healthy serving of guilt and a period of time spent wondering if it's helping anything, or just traumatizing my kids/making them fear me.... That's the thing about raising kids, you can't tell until later whether some of the things you do benefit your kids, screw them up, or ultimately don't matter. Good luck trying to decipher those things you two. :) Feel free to share any epiphanies...
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